Wasted

I know I'm not old, objectively speaking. However, as I look back over my first decade of adulthood, I often think-where have the years gone? I'll be turning 30 in a year and a half and I'm already starting to panic. Crazy, I know. But when I think of all the things I still want to accomplish and experience, the expression, 'Youth is wasted on the young', begins to resonate with me.

But then I think-if youth is wasted on the young, what is being wasted on me?

What do I have that I don't appreciate? What gifts, resources, opportunities am I squandering? What blessings in my life am I blind to?

Higher Standard

I understand that we women come with our own unique style of communication. Reading between the lines is much more necessary with us than with our male counterparts. However, I don't believe that simply because we're women, that gives us free reign to intentionally trap people with our words. So, when I read things like this, it makes me ashamed to belong to a gender that would proudly claim this as their own. Are we not intelligent people? Can we not be respectful enough to the people around us to simply state what we're thinking?

Now, I have, on many occasions uttered an insincere 'fine', 'it's ok' and alike. However, and I sometimes need reminding of this, if that's what I'm saying, I need to be accountable for my words. If I say 'it's ok' and it's not, I take responsibility for whatever the outcome is. It's my choice to close up and not be honest. I need to deal with whatever it is, so that it is ok, or I need to go back and confess what I'm truly thinking.

To see women proudly boast about the mind games they play makes me shake my head. Truthfully, the above graphic needs to be appropriately relabeled as 5 Passive Aggressive Statements You Can Say To Make Women Appear Immature and Catty. Come on women-hold yourself to a higher standard!

Less Is Less and That's Okay

A number of weeks back, I saw a commercial for a computer program that backs up your information, your "stuff". Important personal information, music, documents, photos-protected. You know the drill. I wasn't that interested in the commercial(to me, computer talk = boring) but my attention was caught near the end when these two phrases were uttered "What are you without your stuff? Better yet, without your stuff, who are you?" Honestly, I sat there for a second wondering, "Did I just hear that? Is this what it's come to?" Now, you may tell me, identity theft is not a joke. I completely agree, it's not. You need to take the necessary steps to protect against identity theft(I hear Norton's good). However, since I saw that commercial, I've been seeing that message everywhere-without your stuff, who are you? Commercials, magazines, TV shows, radio ads, everywhere. I know it's been there for years, but I had never heard it so clearly put before and it's got me to thinking. More and more, I'm seeing products, whether that be technology, vehicles, music, whatever, being promoted as identity and it's frightening. Think about that for a second. I certainly hope that my identity is not resting on my dented, rusted, run down Sunfire, or I'm in trouble.

When did we start thinking that we are owed a comfortable life? Not even that, that we're owed a convenient life. The new feature on the newest iPhone4S, Siri, is almost obscene to me. According to the Apple website, 'It’s like you’re having a conversation with your iPhone'. And that doesn't scare anyone else? Can we not function on a basic human level without our technology?

We, first world-ers, are very quick to "blame" our excessive living conditions on circumstance. For example, "Can I help it if this is where I was born? It's not my fault! I'm just trying to keep up/stay current/be relevant in my society/culture!" Did you follow all that? :)

It's true, save extreme measures, we can't help where we live. But we can help how we consume and how much we consume. Sometimes, the better choice is just not to buy that new whozit or whatzit. Sometimes the upgrade isn't necessary. Sometimes you should go without because you don't have to live with more. Sometimes, less is less and that's okay.

Shannelle and Megan à la Dale from Ava

This will really only be funny if you watch 'Up All Night' and have recently received a lovely card from Shannelle and Megan. Enjoy.

Snippets of Friendship

There are some memories that, for some reason, stick out to me when I think of different friendships that I have. Some are big moments, some are small, but they all hold a special place in my heart. :)

Christi-We lived together for three school years. At the beginning of our second year, I was the first of the roommates to arrive in our apartment. I remember laying on the floor in the disastrous living room, looking through a book and the door flew open and it was Christi! We both screamed with delight, I jumped up and we threw our arms around each other. She said, "We're going to the Cannons game! Let's go!" It was one of the last Calgary Cannons games and it was the perfect way to start the school year.

Tammy-I hadn't really had a job where I had the potential to make friends before I started at Chapters. That makes me sound a little sad, don't worry I'm not. But I think Tammy is the first work friend I've ever had. Her persistence in trying to arrange a coffee date with me kind of threw me off at first because, well frankly, I wasn't used to going out with people from work. There wasn't a stand out moment when I realized this but I think I slowly realized, 'Oh. She wants to have coffee because......we're.....friends. Huh. I have a work friend. Did not see that coming.' I'm so glad she persisted because she's fantastic and I'm glad she's in my life(however infrequently). :)

Matt-When it comes to movies, Youtube clips, romantic stories, I'm a huge sap and have no problem crying in front of others. When it comes to personal issues, I'm quite private and generally keep my tough emotions to myself. After/during a particularly trying time in my life, I went to Matt(and Monica)'s house and basically blubbered like a fool. As I completely vented, Matt listened and offered encouraging, supportive words without being condescending or dismissing me. I've cried in front of him more times than I prefer to admit but I know he's person I can trust completely and that's invaluable.

Aurora-I worked with Aurora at Chapters and we didn't often work similar shifts. One day, after we hadn't seen each other in a really long time, I came into the back to start my shift and she was there looking for a book. As soon as she saw me, she gasped and ran over and gave me a huge hug-even though I was on the phone. I'm not really a huggy person but it was a really nice way to start the work day.

Stu-I met Stu when I was a teenager and he was MUCH older. After a rocky start(pranks and name calling were involved), we developed a mutual respect and enjoyment of teasing each other(pranks and name calling were still occasionally involved). Now, he's honestly one of my favorite people and I'm proud to call him my pastor. :)


Adriana-I lived with Adriana for one year and at some point during that year, we thought it'd be so great if we read bedtime stories to each other. For about a week, we would take turns reading 'The Magician's Nephew' to each other. I don't really know what brought that on but it was a great week and I'll never look at that book on my shelf the same way again.

Dan-The few times I went to Dan's place in university, I annoyed him by placing all of his, very disorganized CD's, in alphabetical order. I couldn't help it and eventually I think he came to expect it. Thanks for understanding Dan.

Leanne-Leanne and her, then boyfriend, now husband, Jonathan went on a trip to the UK to visit a couple of mutual friends and I met them at the airport upon their return. Previous to this trip, Leanne and I spoke every day, seeing each other quite frequently, and, as it turns out, the trip was a nice break. For both of us. :) We had both secretly not really missed the other and both secretly been a bit nervous that we wouldn't be that excited to be reunited. *Sidenote-it sounds like we hated each other. On the contrary, we loved each other immensely.* When they walked out of the gate, one of the first things Leanne said to me was "I'm so glad I'm happy to see you!", to which I replied, "Me too!" I'm glad I have a friend I can be that honest with.

Jennie-I have spent many of the last 7 New Year's Eve's with Jennie and I've learned one thing. If Jennie's there, it's gonna be a good time. You'll laugh-a lot. Like I did when she accidentally over shared a slightly inappropriate piece of information with a few of us a couple years back. I won't say what it was but her face went red and we all laughed.


Thanks to all my friends who provide me with an abundance of wonderful snippets. You make my life better.

2632

It's 1:30 a.m. and as I make my way home from a friend's house, I'm struck, as I always am when I travel at this hour, how peaceful and calm the city streets seem in the darkness. I pull up to a red light, beside another car presumably on it's way home as well. We sit at the light for approximately 45 seconds before a cop car pulls up directly in front of us, blocking either of us from proceeding. The officer parks the car and my heart starts to race. The peaceful, calm streets have turned suspicious and unpredictable in a manner of seconds. At the exact same time, myself and the passengers in the neighboring car look over at each other, as if to say, "What did you do?" We share a bewildered look and an assurance is passed between us that neither of us is a criminal. We're in the same clueless boat.

I begin to look around to find the reason we're being detained and I notice flashing orange lights coming towards the intersection from the left. Two or three trucks slowly pass in front of us, and then comes the main attraction. A house.

An entire house passes in front of us, slowly, as if being carried by a cloud. The house has a mailbox, a front door, even a house number. The moment is surreal and amazing. I feel like I'm in a strange house transporting dream. Peace is restored to the streets and to my heart as I take in this sight. It feels differently from when I have seen houses bring transported on the highway. Those houses lumbered down the road, inconveniencing or frightening those around them. This house is graceful somehow. The street lights gently cast a faint glow on what will be someone's home as it leisurely makes it's way through the intersection, continuing on it's way.

The police officer starts up his car and pulls away once the house is at a safe distance. The light turns green and I smile as I slowly pull away from such a strange late night experience.

Over the years, I have often thought of that house. It's house number is up on my wall. I'm not sure why that experience struck me or stuck with me like it has. However, I do know that whenever I look at those numbers and I recall that night, a sense of calm comes over me and my often scattered mind takes a deep breath. So, for that, 2632, I thank you.

Sing My Lonesome Away

I came across this thank you note today and it clarified something I've been thinking about for a while. Let me start here-

I'd like to say that I'm never jealous of my married/parent/'together' friends. :) I can't. There are still days that I think, 'What am I doing?? THIS is where I am in life? What the bloom is going on? Look at her/him/them! Now THEY'VE got it together!' It never lasts too long, as I realize that my singleness has blessed me with opportunities and experiences that my married/parent/'together' friends won't have the chance to partake in. Most of time, I'm good with where I'm at-even though I don't know where that is ninety percent of the time. However, I've realized one thing over the years, as many of my friends have gotten hitched and/or started families. It changes things.

I'm not going to get into how it changes things for people getting married or becoming parents, I think we all know. I'll just say that, for me, it's changed things. It's left me in a place I wasn't prepared for when I was younger. I never expected the vast majority of my friends to be a such a different place in life as me. I never expected to be single in my late twenties. So, even now, years into my adult life, I often find myself being pulled two different directions. I spend half my time trying to embrace my unique situation(I know it's not completely unique. I do realize I'm not the only single person my age) and half my time trying to figure out if I fit/ wanting to fit into a group. And unlike Leah, it's left me feeling lost and lonely at times.

I'm still trying to strike the right balance in my life. I'm not really sure how to do it.